Image Credit: Chris LeCroy
More Musings of an Energy Nerd
’Twas the night before Christmas, when blizzards and chills
Strain my budget by raising my energy bills;
All the stockings were swaying — a cold winter breeze
Made my home’s leaky envelope feel like Swiss cheese
(The old windows and ceilings have so many gaps
That the kids have to sleep in their kerchiefs and caps) —
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
And I yanked up the creaky old single-pane sash.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an energy expert — a trained engineer!
The sign on his truck said, “We’ll fix your old home.
If you’ve got any cracks, we’ll fill them with foam!”
A bespectacled fellow came out of the van,
And asked if I needed an infrared scan.
“Lord have mercy!” I muttered. “I certainly do!
Any chance that you came with a blower door, too?”
“Yes I did!” said the man. “I’m an energy geek!
And I promise to find every defect and leak!”
And he whistled, and shouted, and leaned in the van,
While his helper unloaded a door-mounted fan.
“Get the Duct Blaster! Caulk gun! A bottle of Windex!
It’s time to reduce this home’s dismal HERS Index!
We’ll battle your dampness and foul condensation!
And make sure that your house has enough insulation!”
And then up to the attic the engineer flew,
With a cellulose hose and a spray foam gun, too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard a strange sound
As the cellulose bales were chopped up and ground.
…
Weekly Newsletter
Get building science and energy efficiency advice, plus special offers, in your inbox.
This article is only available to GBA Prime Members
Sign up for a free trial and get instant access to this article as well as GBA’s complete library of premium articles and construction details.
Start Free TrialAlready a member? Log in
11 Comments
That's wonderful
Even for a Grinch like me, who tries his best to ignore the mad frenzy of consumption that we call Christmas, this is brilliant.
A very warm solstice to you and all.
Rhyming license
Clever use of Windex!
Thanks for a year of frank and informative writing.
Cheers,
Andrew
Uses of Windex
Windex improves the solar heat gain coefficient of dirty windows, so be sure to throw some in the truck for your next weatherization job.
Happy Holladay!
That was great! Seasons Greetings from the "great white north"
subliminal
Wait a minute! That's not Santa Claus in the photo. Read his name carefully. I think Sarah Plain is in on this. Or Sarah Lapin to mon ami Martin.
C'est vrai, Bill
You caught me. I couldn't find a good photo of Santa, so I was forced to substitute a photo of his pacifist twin. He lives in California; before he became a bicycle fanatic, he rode with a motorcycle gang and adopted the sinister-sounding nickname by which he is still known.
Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année!
Holiday Project
My windows are embarrassingly dirty. I was thinking that might affect my house's solar heat gain. Now I know!
I now have a little holiday project to work away at. To think I considered your use of Windex as artistic license. That said, I'll just use 'vinegar and water' to get my windows clean, of course that doesn't rhyme with 'index'.
Merry Christmas,
Andrew
Merry Christmas to Martin and All
And especially to Bill Rose....
Bill can see things that many of us overlook.
next cooling season I may avoid cleaning my windows.
Glorious!
Martin
you have outdone yourself on this!
We'll be reading it aloud in front of the fire this evening.
All the best to all
Michael
Closed Cell Spray Foam R values
Hi Martin,
I was trying to figure out a way to respond to your reply to my post at FHB, but couldn't figure it out (not a computer geek!!) Anyway, in your reply you said that it wasn't true that spray foam "reaches its maximum R-value at about 5-6 inches which equals approx. R 30-36." I got that info from a PDF file I downloaded from FHB comparing closed and open cell foams by Rob Yagid - so is he wrong, or did I not read that correctly?
Thanks for your help,
Jobphoto
Sounds wrong
John,
If you are quoting Rob Yagid correctly, he got it wrong.
Log in or become a member to post a comment.
Sign up Log in